Breaking Up Advice
Breaking Up Relationship Advice
Breaking up advice for men is not as commonly available as is advice about how to keep a relationship going, which is a shame. Breaking up with your girlfriend is going to be painful and possibly ugly, so knowing how to handle the break up is critical to getting back on your feet and getting on with your life.
You probably already know the basics of good behavior when you’re breaking up with your girlfriend. Keep in mind that following those rules doesn’t just make it easier on her, it makes you a better person. Handling a break up with consideration means you’ll have fewer regrets down the road and leaves the door open for a possible friendship in the future. Here are some basic rules for those of you seeking breaking up advice:
- Break up in a neutral location so she doesn’t have too much control (at your place), feel trapped (in a public place) or associate her home with the break up (at her place).
- Be honest, but in a kind way. Don’t insult her, don’t tell her it would have worked out if only she had done this or that.
- Be definite. Women can read an awful lot into the smallest of comments, so be very clear about the break up and its finality.
- Stay away. The best break up advice for men I ever heard was, “Remember that a phone call means you still care. A woman will tell her self that caring means you didn’t really want to break up.” Trust me on this one – it’s true. Don’t give her an opening; let her get used to the idea for a while.
- Don’t demand the return of unimportant things. Asking her to return that old sweatshirt or your set of Ginsu knives gives her an opening to keep things going, although in a weird, uncomfortable way. Just get new stuff, you’ll save yourself a lot of hassle.
- Don’t broadcast the break up until it’s actually happened. There is nothing worse for a woman than to hear gossip about your break up before she hears it from you. It also demonstrates to the world what a cad you really are. Ouch.
- Don’t comfort her physically or feel the urge to indulge in “good-bye sex.” The momentary physical pleasure isn’t worth the tangled web of emotions it will induce, and will only send mixed signals to the woman you’re trying to break up with.
- Most breaking up advice for men only focus on the end result, but here’s something to keep in mind – it’s easier to break up with her if she knows there are problems in the relationship. Some men pretend for weeks or months that nothing at all is wrong, then blindside their girlfriend with the breakup speech. If you feel there are problems, let her know and talk about them as they occur. You may be able to work them out, you may not. But at least she isn’t oblivious to the situation.
Breaking Up Advice for Men – How to Move On
Once you’ve broken up with your girlfriend, don’t second guess yourself and immediately try to get back together with her on your first lonely night. There is a reason you broke up with her. Remember what that was and get ready to make some changes.
Don’t get drunk and sloppy because you’ve ended a relationship. Yes, it’s painful, but slipping into the bottle doesn’t numb the pain, it just puts it off. When you’re sober, you’ll find that the pain is just as bad, but combined with a hang-over, it’s practically lethal. It’s fine to get a group of your best buds together and have a night on the town with some beers, just don’t trash yourself in the process. Bonus – she won’t convince herself you’ve turned into an alcoholic because you’re pining for her.
Don’t call her. Although some people preach breaking up relationship advice like “Keep in touch, be her friend,” that doesn’t mean you should call two days after you broke up with her. This will be misinterpreted and put you in the awkward position of having to break up with her twice. Distance yourself from her for a decent amount of time – perhaps a month. Closing the door firmly on the relationship is best.
Don’t complain to everyone about your ex. You can confide in a friend, but don’t broadcast your poor opinion of your ex to everyone who will listen. Women talk. If you’re painting an ugly picture of your ex girlfriend, other women may steer clear of you because you seem vindictive and disrespectful. Be the bigger person and keep your anger to yourself.
Resist the urge to swing between constantly partying, which is immature, and thinking about your ex, which is pointless. You can take the sudden excess of free time to improve yourself. Join a gym, take a class, volunteer somewhere…it’s your choice. You’ll discover that you don’t have to have a girlfriend to be happy.
Keep repeating this until you truly understand it: Wait a while before dating again. It’s probably the most important dating advice for men there is. A rebound relationship practically guarantees that somewhere down the line you’ll be breaking up with the new girl, too. It’s an ugly pattern to get caught up in.